freaking out

I kind of broke down to hubby tonight. The realization that I'm going to have to actually 'birth' this child inside of me VERY soon has really been hitting me lately. And, I'll be honest, I'm kind of freaking out!

My whole pregnancy has really been pretty easy. Sure I've had constant pain in my ribs since about 21 weeks, and frequent back pain about as long. I've experienced the round ligament pain and the leg cramps. I've even been feeling my hip joints loosening up lately, which isn't so pleasant either. And you certainly can't ignore the frequent trips to the bathroom! But really, all of that is pretty easy to deal with. And the excitement of it all definitely overshadows any discomfort. I actually feel bad telling other moms that that I feel ok, because I know that not everyone is as fortunate!

But very, very soon, I'm going to have to deliver this little girl (and hopefully she stays little!) I have no idea what to expect. Sure I've done my research, and I've talked to many women who have gone through it. But there are SO many horror stories out there! Including my mother-in-law (both she AND my hubby almost died) and my sister-in-law. It's hard to hear those stories, and not let my mind run wild.

On the completely opposite end of the spectrum is my own mom. She had all of us in about three hours of labor, and never even experienced early labor - just went right into phase two. So she was able to go through three deliveries without ever needing drugs or an epidural. She did have some complications with my younger brother, but that was because he was a footling breach and had his arm caught up over his (very large) head. They simply wouldn't allow that to happen today.

So I'm caught between expecting the worst, and expecting the best. I certainly don't want to dwell on all the things that COULD go wrong. But I also don't want to go in expecting an easy three hour delivery and then have it last for 12 hours!

Tomorrow we start Lamaze / Childbirth Education classes at the hospital. They say knowledge is power, and I'm really hoping that holds true for me. I'm hoping that this 4 week class will help me feel more prepared, and more at ease about the whole thing.

I have such an amazing husband. I really couldn't ask for a better partner in this whole thing. I let him know that I was nervous and really uncertain about everything. He reassured me that he will not only be there for the class, but he'll really be there. I love him so much, and can't wait to go through this experience with him.