mrs. independent

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I am a very strong and independent woman. I grew up on a farm, and will always be a farm girl at heart - even though I've fully embraced the city life. I had two great parents who believed in teaching us how to do things for ourselves, rather than do everything for us. They by no means left us to our own devices; they were always there to help. But they believed in us, so we believed in ourselves.

My dad taught me to change my own oil on my car. The result? I taught my hubby how when we were engaged.

When my parents moved me into my freshman dorm at college my dad said, "Ok, now set up your computer." Never mind that I had never done it before, he wanted me to try and if I had questions he would be there. The result? All the girls on my floor came to me when they had computer questions.

When I got a flat tire in high school, my dad told me to fix it myself. He'd taught me how and he had full confidence that I could do it on my own. The result? Well that time it backfired on my dad, a nice man saw me trying to get my spare out the trunk and came and did everything for me. He wouldn't even let me help.

The real result? I am a strong and independent woman who likes do do things for herself, rather then let people help me. And yes, people includes my husband. I'm not the kind of woman who sits back and waits for her husband to carry in her bag for her. (Though I love it when he does!) When getting ready for trips, I'm typically the one to load the car. In fact, just this morning hubby yelled at me for carrying in his golf clubs last night while unloading the car from the weekend. He's starting to get protective of me in my pregnant state.

Just a little side note: this does not mean that I'm a bold and outgoing person. Really the contrary is true. I'm pretty reserved and introverted. I'm fully happy letting hubby do things that involve talking to people. Calling the cable company, taking the lead in social settings, dealing with mechanics, even calling to order pizza ... all fall in hubby's duties.

But back to the independence thing. A lot of my independence comes from how I was raised, and a pride in my abilities. But a big part of it also comes from a desire to keep attention off of myself. I don't like people to fuss over me. And I certainly don't want people to think that I am incapable.

What's my point? Well being independent is great! It's not that I want to change that about myself. But it doesn't always jive so well with married life. Marriage is all about being partners - not doing everything yourself.

So it's something I've been working on for the past almost three years. But, I'll be honest, a lot of the time it's just plain easier to do things myself than to ask hubby. But with this whole, "I'm going to be a mom soon," thing I'm thinking that isn't going to be the case forever.

I'm having a hard enough time keeping up with my "wife" list of duties. And soon there will be a whole new set of "mom" duties added to that list. I'm simply going to have to learn to let hubby help with things.

Sidenote: I just realized that this makes it sound like hubby just sits on the couch watching sports center all day and night. Really that couldn't be further from the truth! He is one of the hardest working men I now! This is really more of a mental thing than a physical one.

This isn't really an earth shaking discovery. Just something that has been on my mind lately. I have a coworker who's husband never helped her with their kids - and she never asked - and to this day she resents him for it. I certainly don't think hubby will be an absent father. It's more something I want to be intentional about for myself. The last thing I want is for hubby to feel like he isn't needed, or capable, because both are so far from the truth!

Kind of an anti-climatic ending. But can anyone relate? Or have a few words of advice?


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